we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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