i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
