I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
