Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
