I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
