I am puke
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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