I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
