It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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