Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
