I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
