wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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