glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
