From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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