I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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