things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
