We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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