dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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