Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
