I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Randomize
