neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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