Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
