i need an iv and a liver transplant
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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