His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
