"it" just moved
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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