Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
