i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
