Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
