I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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