I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
