Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
