she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
