first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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