did you get engaged???
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
wanna go halves on a baby?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
