I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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