so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
