its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
