Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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