tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
