Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
