If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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