I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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