so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
