Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
