So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
