I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
