Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
