I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
