Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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