have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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