So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
