She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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